Madison, Wis. -- It's an honest question a good wingman must be able to ask. It's hard to say but must not be ignored, as we are all trained and expected to be good wingmen to our fellow Airmen - especially when you consider the BIG LIE that death stops your existence. Think about it. If each person consisted of only flesh and blood (no spirit/no soul), everyone would be a "meathead" because meat is all we would be.
*** AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL TRUTH FROM A CHRISTIAN/BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE FOLLOWS ***
*** READ AT YOUR OWN RISK OF OFFENSE, DENIAL, ANGER AND/OR ACCEPTANCE ***
What would killing yourself accomplish, anyway? As your soul/spirit continues to exist beyond the grave, killing yourself only adds to and amplifies your problems while making them irreparably permanent. It is entirely opposite the relief you seek and only adds anguish, regret and torment in the afterlife.
Try listening to God who cannot lie. According to His written word (which Jesus said "cannot be broken" and "must be fulfilled"), each person is created in God's image. Perhaps you remember watching the famous musical "The Sound of Music" where Maria sings a deep truth, "Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could." In other words, only life can come from life. Only intellect can come from intellect. All designs, especially complex intelligent design such as found in nature and especially in our own bodies, can only come from an Intelligent Designer. The fact you are a person who can think, feel, and choose did not come from a meaningless void. Someone made you to reflect His greatness! Personhood does not come from the impersonal (Not now and not millions of years ago plus chance). We are persons specifically because God is a Person and because He is a person, you can relate to Him and He can relate to you! We think and feel and choose because He thinks and feels and chooses. We speak and hear because He speaks and hears. Because God is an eternal spirit, He has given each of us a spirit/soul which exists forever (Location TBD).
If flesh is all we are, no one (but a crazy person) would ever give up the life of their body for anything, but is this true? If you have a family, wouldn't you gladly give your life to save the life of your spouse or child? This willingness to sacrifice self for a love greater than yourself is solid evidence you have a spirit/soul. In your gut, you know there are things far more precious than continued bodily existence, things for which you would gladly lay down your life. If this were not true, you would never sacrifice yourself for anything. Preservation of self and love of self would be the only ultimate good.
"OK, OK," you may say, "but so what? So what that I have a spirit/soul which will exist beyond the grave? Life is the pits now and I need relief!"
Pause a moment and consider the possibility you are exactly where the all-controlling God wants you to be. He may want you to be in a temporary despair of finding your life in the things of this world because you have been seeking a life apart from Him. God will not bless independence from Himself. Isn't this what a fallen angel named Lucifer is attempting to do? God made people to be dependent on Him for everything good. When we seek our life apart from Him, He allows us to be sadly disappointed. As Augustine once said, "Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee."
Your misery can be turned around by an Almighty God. If you say He cannot, you deny His power. If you say He will not, you deny His love, so think a moment. Imagine what your life might be like if you stopped resisting God? Would your circumstances change overnight? Probably not, but you would. How can I say that with such confidence? Because God changes people from the inside out. He promises it, and I've seen it in others and experienced it myself. Just think! How small would your problems appear if you knew Almighty God was on your side and orchestrating all events of your life (the good and the bad) in order to draw you to Himself? Then your troubles would have meaning, wouldn't they? In fact, your troubles would be actual blessings in disguise. If your busted marriage, foreclosed home, exceeding debt, failure or loss resulted in finding the true Source of your life, you would count everything that led you to this life-changing realization a tremendous blessing! Hard to stomach now, but absolutely true and worth it if in end your sins are forgiven, you are adopted into God's family and heaven is your home (all by the freely given gift of God through Christ). What suffering, disappointment or discouragement would you be willing to endure to really obtain just one of these benefits? All and more besides are freely offered in Christ, the source of life.
Hear and envy the confidence of Christ's representative, the Apostle Paul, writing to Christians in Romans chapter 8:
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose... But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
What could you face if you knew that God loved you and was working all things (good and bad) together for your good? Murder of self would be the farthest thing from your mind! What meaning could you attach to your pain and suffering if it enabled you to better help others suffering in a similar way? Having suffered, troubled Airmen would know that you know what they're going through and be more inclined to listen. Nothing will add sincerity to your concern for others than having suffered yourself. A wounded healer describes many a faithful caregiver and lends power to your use of the ACE principle (Ask, Care and Escort). Think of God as the Ultimate Wingman. In our need, we Ask Him to take our burdens upon Himself; He Cares for us as no other can, no matter our circumstances or our past; and He Escorts us to a better place in life through His grace and mercy. Could the all-controlling God be forming you for greater usefulness in service to others by the very disappointments you've faced?
Above a dark and dreary sky, the sun is gloriously blazing, even when we can't see it. In the same way, you need to come to Christ as the source of life (and keep coming) although you do not yet see Him. Submit yourself to Him and commit to stop doing things that offend Him (i.e. murder) in order that you might receive all that He has for you.
Read the Bible. Attend the worship of Christ "who is the image of the Invisible God" (Colossians 1:15). Pray to Jesus who said, "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden light." (Matthew 11: 28-30)
He is the source of life and strength to cope, in this world and the next.